Something I've come to realize now, in my fifties, is that I've never really had friends. In school, I was awkward, shy, and never made friends. I was the weird kid the other kids teased instead of playing with me. I never experienced having girlfriends and sharing makeup and going to the mall in my teens because I was never allowed to leave the house (long story.) In early adulthood, I was married to a controlling man who isolated me. By my thirties, I was free of him but so consumed by my career that I didn't bother doing anything outside of work and home. Then I fell ill and stopped working. The few friends I thought I had drifted away. I attend organized group events and chat with people I know at those functions, but when I suggest meeting for lunch or coffee outside of those events, the response is a resounding no. I stay in my house with my husband and my dogs and I read and write.
Dogs - if nobody wants to be your friend, buy someone who will!
My dog is my dearest friend - unconditional love with a waggy tail. I think friendships when we're young can be fraught with danger as it's about fitting in and when we don't fit in - we can feel ostracised. It's not easy to make friends but I think it's worth pondering some good questions - about what you want and don't want. The difficulty I find is that I'm crap at small talk so I go all deep straight away and people drift away because they think I'm strange when want to talk about the meaning of life.
I don't think it's your problem. It's your strength. I think it's just finding other people like you who want to think deeply and not talk about the weather at parties. I'd rather spend time alone or with my dog than do this.
I often think about “friendship “ and you ask some very profound questions. My closest friend is my husband of 40 years, then 2 other friendships I value. I trust my husband explicitly , not sure how much my friends would do if I needed help…fortunately never had to find out. The rest are acquaintances and I would also rather spend time alone than talk about holidays, the weather or restaurants.
It's a wonderful thing to ponder and get clarity around. I've been thinking about this very deeply since I moved up North about what I give and what I take in friendships. And making friends with myself too. That was the most profound realisation for me - that I could be alone because I could be my own friend - and encourage myself and be pleasant to be around!
Something I've come to realize now, in my fifties, is that I've never really had friends. In school, I was awkward, shy, and never made friends. I was the weird kid the other kids teased instead of playing with me. I never experienced having girlfriends and sharing makeup and going to the mall in my teens because I was never allowed to leave the house (long story.) In early adulthood, I was married to a controlling man who isolated me. By my thirties, I was free of him but so consumed by my career that I didn't bother doing anything outside of work and home. Then I fell ill and stopped working. The few friends I thought I had drifted away. I attend organized group events and chat with people I know at those functions, but when I suggest meeting for lunch or coffee outside of those events, the response is a resounding no. I stay in my house with my husband and my dogs and I read and write.
Dogs - if nobody wants to be your friend, buy someone who will!
My dog is my dearest friend - unconditional love with a waggy tail. I think friendships when we're young can be fraught with danger as it's about fitting in and when we don't fit in - we can feel ostracised. It's not easy to make friends but I think it's worth pondering some good questions - about what you want and don't want. The difficulty I find is that I'm crap at small talk so I go all deep straight away and people drift away because they think I'm strange when want to talk about the meaning of life.
I think that's at the root of my problem too. I think too much and chatter too little.
I don't think it's your problem. It's your strength. I think it's just finding other people like you who want to think deeply and not talk about the weather at parties. I'd rather spend time alone or with my dog than do this.
I often think about “friendship “ and you ask some very profound questions. My closest friend is my husband of 40 years, then 2 other friendships I value. I trust my husband explicitly , not sure how much my friends would do if I needed help…fortunately never had to find out. The rest are acquaintances and I would also rather spend time alone than talk about holidays, the weather or restaurants.
It's a wonderful thing to ponder and get clarity around. I've been thinking about this very deeply since I moved up North about what I give and what I take in friendships. And making friends with myself too. That was the most profound realisation for me - that I could be alone because I could be my own friend - and encourage myself and be pleasant to be around!
What a great realisation , because you have to treasure and look after yourself first , as friend , lover, muse and constant companion .
yes, absolutely. I knew the theory about this but I hadn't really lived it 'til recently. Thank you Susan.