How do you build a friendship that makes your heart leap?
“Real friends are the ones you can count on no matter what. The ones who go into the forest to find you and bring you home.” Morgan Matson
Friendship is such an important part of our lives.
From the playground friendships that my son made and sustain him to this day to the bridge clubs my aunt frequents in her eighties where they laugh, knit and eat cake together, I can see for myself the impact the quality of our friendships can have on our happiness.
I have written so many articles over the last few years about the ‘pandemic of loneliness’ and it turns out, having good friends isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s as important physiologically as it is psychologically. Research shows that strong social connections are one of the most reliable predictors of a long and healthy life.
And so important for our mental health too - a recent review citing 38 studies found that high-quality friendships, the kind that offer real support and companionship, significantly boost well-being and protect against mental health issues like depression and anxiety. And these benefits don’t wear off with age—they stick with you for life.
Why? The experts say real friends act as a buffer against life’s inevitable curveballs. So, whether it’s a tough breakup or a random Friday meltdown, having someone to lean on might be the ultimate life hack.
I have moved to a new town and it’s not always easy to make new friends as a adult.
It’s made me think about friendship a lot.
I’ve thought about what I like about my old and new friends and the kind of dynamics I’ve created in the past and what I need to tweak in order to create healthy, life affirming friendships in the future.
Here are some prompts for your journal to ponder friendship:
Who are your real friends?
What makes you define them as ‘real'?
What role do they play in your life and how do you show them that you care about them?
How do they show you how they care about you?
Are you honest with your friends? How can you be honest but still be supportive?
How do you know that you can trust your friends?
How do you build trust with a new friend?
What do you need from your friends?
What do they need from you?
How do you ask for what you need from a friend?
How do learn what your friends need from you?
What’s a friendship ‘deal-breaker’ for you?
If you were to write a ‘love letter’ to a good friend and tell them why you adore them, what would you write?
Something I've come to realize now, in my fifties, is that I've never really had friends. In school, I was awkward, shy, and never made friends. I was the weird kid the other kids teased instead of playing with me. I never experienced having girlfriends and sharing makeup and going to the mall in my teens because I was never allowed to leave the house (long story.) In early adulthood, I was married to a controlling man who isolated me. By my thirties, I was free of him but so consumed by my career that I didn't bother doing anything outside of work and home. Then I fell ill and stopped working. The few friends I thought I had drifted away. I attend organized group events and chat with people I know at those functions, but when I suggest meeting for lunch or coffee outside of those events, the response is a resounding no. I stay in my house with my husband and my dogs and I read and write.
Dogs - if nobody wants to be your friend, buy someone who will!