When do you feel most alive and 4 other questions to make you happier...

Answers on a post card please

I’ve been interviewing self development experts for 25 years. In every interview I do, I always hope that someone will just tell me the secret to happiness.

Yes, over the years, I’ve got brilliant tips and tricks but mostly the experts tell me: ‘The answers lie within you.’

Sigh.

Right now, I’m writing a weekly ‘big happiness interview’ for the Metro newspaper where I get to talk to some of the wisest experts in the world about the how of happiness.

Half way through the year, here are the five questions that the experts have posed that have made the biggest impact on my contentment so far this year.

5 questions that made my hair stand on end

[Click on the links below if you want to read the whole interview.]

1. Is there an inner guidance you are defying, resisting, ignoring, or avoiding? 
   Instead of stuffing down a thought or feeling. Ask – Is that what you want to do? Is there another option? 

   From Martha Beck

   Eeek! When am I not defying, resisting or ignoring or avoiding my inner guidance? I’m working very hard to trust and act on my inner guidance right now. As a people pleaser in recovery, this has not been easy.

2. What do you care about? What do you think is meaningful? What is reflective of your integrity, what matters?  

   From Sonia Choquette

   This question made me acutely focus on my values - love, creativity, fun, inspiration and has allowed me to let go of some projects that I thought I ‘should’ do and focus on writing my substack!

3. Who are the 10 people in your life with whom you share the most joyful moments. When and how do you keep in touch with them? When will you see them next? 

   From Vanessa King

   I have just moved to Northumberland but this question reminds me to reach out to my non-local friends on a regular basis - and has resulted in a lots of fabulous trips, visits and telephone conversations.

4. As a child, what got you noticed, accepted, loved, respected? How did you learn to stay safe and minimise the risk of harm? What beliefs does this mean you live your life by? Are these beliefs serving you as an adult?   

   From Owen O’Kane

   This question hit hard and I’m still unpicking it.

5. Rather than trying to define your purpose, recognise when you feel most on purpose. – ask yourself – when you feel really alive? 

   From Dr Robert Holden

   This question is at the centre of my Heart Leap philosophy - and drives every goal I set and every plan I make - what makes me feel alive? What makes my heart leap?

   Have a go at answering these questions and if you find the secret of happiness, please let me know.