Just a thread today to swop ideas, tips, trick and techniques when you falter, when you doubt yourself, when you want to give up? How do you deal with the wobble? I had couple of down days last week and I really doubted myself - can I really do this? Can I build a new life for myself up North from scratch? Maybe it was the days of downpours of rain? Maybe hormones? Maybe the last stressy push to get the festival over the line? Maybe a couple of worries that niggled at me during the night? How do you keep yourself on track when you lose a little faith?
I started last week feeling exactly the same way. The word I used was "Discouraged." It surprised me in it's intensity. So I made a list of all the things I felt discouraged by. Followed by a list on how I'd like to feel. One thing that rose to the surface is that I feel a physical inactive when I used to be constantly moving. I've committed to dancing thru 3 songs a day with my earbuds in and it definitely has helped shift my emotional state.
I was accosted on Friday at a Bulgarian dance party by one of the singers who told me how my book transformed her experience performing. And then yesterday, the duo podcast hosts I was interviewed by both regaled me with what they loved about reading the book, how I made the process of uncovering past traumas that impacted their speaking confidence easy to do, and what passages triggered their tears or made them laugh. I don't like to think of myself needing external validation, but I must say I feel MUCH more encouraged this Monday.
I love this. Sometimes when it feels you're working in vacuum and all you can hear is your inner down dialogue droning in your ear and you're lacking in energy and pep, then loud dance songs or loud positive regaling from others does just the trick. yes!
For something you can do with me but a longer at 8-10 minutes each are these two live streams from a series I did back in 2016 on FB called Dance Your Biz Manifestation.
This one was for handling resistance and hard stuff.
I changed the Vimeo settings. If you don't have a TikTok account, maybe you can't see that one. I was thinking of posting it on Facebook tomorrow. If I do, I'll let you know.
1) I have a night time ritual I call 5 things. I think of 5 things from the day that I'm proud of, 5 things to forgive myself for, 5 things I'm grateful for. Sometimes I add 5 things I appreciate about myself, which sometimes overlaps with what I'm proud of, but is more about the essence of myself, my values, my strengths, awaresnesses, etc.
2) I love using EFT, Emortional Freedom Technique, otherwise known as tapping. Sometimes I'll just tap on the edge of my hand, which is the "opening" of an EFT session and say, "Even though I feel discouraged, I love and accept myself just as I am." I'll tap there for a while and list out what's on my mind.
3) I have an adjustable affirmations that I create for various things that are perennially challenging, like for writing. I sometimes create an audio version for myself to listen to. I'm realizing as I'm writing this, that I could benefit from making these for other parts of my business. TY
4) Write and draw in my multi-media journal. It puts me in a flow state.
5) I read this passage from page 138 in my book, Delight in the Limelight: Wherever you are in your journey, you may feel like you should be someplace else, further along, better than you are, more established. Don’t fall into this trap of needing to be better. Of course, you could be better, and you will be! We are all always growing and improving when we have the intention to grow and improve. Anyway, you can’t be anywhere else than where you are. You can’t be where you ain’t. You can’t be further along, more experienced, more knowledgeable.
Seems like I might have an article in the making here. Thanks for asking, Suzy!
Maybe counter-intuitively, I give myself permission to step back and get off the track. Accepting that I am struggling, feeling disheartened and giving myself space to be ok with that, I think, helps me get over it quicker, and makes it easier to pick up my projects again in a day or two. Sometimes our true selves know we need to rest, and our goal setting brain needs to listen!
When I can’t find the positive voice in my own head, I have a folder in my photographs on my phone that’s filled with screenshots of lovely things people have said about my work and I read those ❤️
I’m trying to climb my way out of a whole by writing how I’m feeling on it. It’s been pouring out of me today and it has felt like I’ve released at least a little of the pressure
Certainly reading this is helpful, even if just to know others experience the same tough days. But some strategies up my sleeve would be good. And sometimes remembering I've felt like this before. It will pass.
I’m collecting podcasts, and inspirational quotes. I listen to visualisations, meditations, sound baths. My kitten comes to sit on me, or brings one of her toys to me, or sits on my note and Journalling book.
Sign up for mindful masterclasses, I’ve just signed back up to Maura Farragher’s 5 day anti stress and anxiety, as I missed it last time. I’ve got a few others lined up, as well.
Yes, yes, yes. Apart from the kitten - which I would swop for my dog! Although I struggle with meditation when I'm in the hole. It's better for me to get out in the fresh air/new perspectives listening to inspirational podcasts. Give my mind and body somewhere to go.
Yes, I think it would be good to have a list of tools and tricks up our sleeve. Last week, nothing shifted it and I just had to hold on to my hat and wait. I was wondering how other people manage that?
You’re doing it! You’re living it. Everything feels hard the week before - this is what it’s all been building up to. I remember thinking oh gosh I just wish I had another month, an extra week and then you get there and it’s all fine. Drink the berrocca! We can’t wait!! ✨💖✨
Oh Suzy, thank you for starting this thread as it is much needed today. I am personally experiencing a moment of doubt in myself... most likely brought on by hormones and some recent big life changes like moving across the country. What has been helping me during this time is writing gratitude lists, which help shift my mindset from one of lack to one of "WOW, look at all the beauty in my life! I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" Also, sometimes I just fake it till I make it. Recognizing that these low periods are just a part of the ebb and flow of life helps take the weight off too.
Yes, absolutely. Ebb and flow but sometimes the waves are big and you get sucked under a bit. When I panic and start thrashing around - there's usually snot everywhere - it's not a good look. 😂
Yes, I think sometimes mine is hormones too. But is it? Who knows? I think I will track it. But that doesn't happen.
I do gratitude each day. Sometimes it is so hard isn't it. I write first what I have done for MYSELF each day. That can be harder. I don't often get more than 2 things written. & usually only one thing for Gratitude. I really need to make an attempt to add more things. I need to look at what I have got & what I am doing so differently. Thanks for the reminder. I will definitely start that tonight.
Must have been something in the water! I had some awfully dark days last week, full of self doubt. I'm learning more to ride these waves though and understand that they pass. It's important not to make any rash decisions when the season are stormy.
For me, when I get like this it's an indication of being on the cusp of something. It's like the universe is asking me, 'Are you sure you want this?' Reminding myself that there's always a choice and trying to approach it with an attitude of curiosity to explore what I truly want. Also allowing myself to be human - the hormones and the down pours are real and have an impact!
Of course, we can do anything if we believe we can, but I think it makes a massive difference when we wobble to come back to our why.
I can't tell you how many times I've journeyed through this very thing in the last 2 years! It's not easy is it? But having spaces like this to share and explore is increasingly important as we journey through this batshit bonkers, magical life!
I love what you've written. I think maybe deep down it's an issue of trust.
I'm trying to build trust on strong visible evidence but when the evidence isn't there, it feels like I have to have faith. And makes me feel unbearably vulnerable. My word of the year is 'foundation' and I'm trying to build solid foundations. But I suppose, faith, hope and belief are cornerstones. of my foundation.
Trust is what I've had to learn - trusting in myself and the unknown, especially when it doesn't make logical sense. Trusting in what we feel is so alien to so many of us, especially when we've had to numb ourselves from emotions in the past I think. Coupled with self-love and self-acceptance, it's the strongest foundation I've been able to build, even though I can't 'see' it as such. I think it does take toe-curling vulnerability doesn't it?
I keep it simple. The last few months I have felt in a deep hole. I fractured my arm skating, had covid and now have a painful eye infection. Its felt like a visitation of a plague trying to stop my creativity! But and its a big but, I have been able to develop a sinple practice at night, gratitude for 5- 6 things, rethinking my novel plot in my head and by the time I do this I fall asleep. Sleep has been a possitive thing and letting go has been so helpful recognising this will pass and it is a rest needed
I started last week feeling exactly the same way. The word I used was "Discouraged." It surprised me in it's intensity. So I made a list of all the things I felt discouraged by. Followed by a list on how I'd like to feel. One thing that rose to the surface is that I feel a physical inactive when I used to be constantly moving. I've committed to dancing thru 3 songs a day with my earbuds in and it definitely has helped shift my emotional state.
I was accosted on Friday at a Bulgarian dance party by one of the singers who told me how my book transformed her experience performing. And then yesterday, the duo podcast hosts I was interviewed by both regaled me with what they loved about reading the book, how I made the process of uncovering past traumas that impacted their speaking confidence easy to do, and what passages triggered their tears or made them laugh. I don't like to think of myself needing external validation, but I must say I feel MUCH more encouraged this Monday.
I love this. Sometimes when it feels you're working in vacuum and all you can hear is your inner down dialogue droning in your ear and you're lacking in energy and pep, then loud dance songs or loud positive regaling from others does just the trick. yes!
When dancing, unless I'm need to get on a client call or podcast interview, I'm more apt to find music that mirrors my feeling or feels adjacent.
That's interesting. so if you're feeling sad, you might listen to sad or angry music?? Does that help?
I don't just listen to it, I move to it. So it's a way of expressing myself.
Here's a quick illustration on TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/@lindaugelow/video/7091291031068527918
For something you can do with me but a longer at 8-10 minutes each are these two live streams from a series I did back in 2016 on FB called Dance Your Biz Manifestation.
This one was for handling resistance and hard stuff.
https://vimeo.com/169441525?share=copy
This one is for self-forgiveness
https://vimeo.com/170293306?share=copy
I speak for a while first and then we dance. I had to choose music that I had permission to use, which limited my choices, but it worked.
I can't seem to access these videos but they sound great.
I changed the Vimeo settings. If you don't have a TikTok account, maybe you can't see that one. I was thinking of posting it on Facebook tomorrow. If I do, I'll let you know.
Not the TikTok either? I'll check the privacy setting.
Other rituals aside from my other posting:
1) I have a night time ritual I call 5 things. I think of 5 things from the day that I'm proud of, 5 things to forgive myself for, 5 things I'm grateful for. Sometimes I add 5 things I appreciate about myself, which sometimes overlaps with what I'm proud of, but is more about the essence of myself, my values, my strengths, awaresnesses, etc.
2) I love using EFT, Emortional Freedom Technique, otherwise known as tapping. Sometimes I'll just tap on the edge of my hand, which is the "opening" of an EFT session and say, "Even though I feel discouraged, I love and accept myself just as I am." I'll tap there for a while and list out what's on my mind.
3) I have an adjustable affirmations that I create for various things that are perennially challenging, like for writing. I sometimes create an audio version for myself to listen to. I'm realizing as I'm writing this, that I could benefit from making these for other parts of my business. TY
4) Write and draw in my multi-media journal. It puts me in a flow state.
5) I read this passage from page 138 in my book, Delight in the Limelight: Wherever you are in your journey, you may feel like you should be someplace else, further along, better than you are, more established. Don’t fall into this trap of needing to be better. Of course, you could be better, and you will be! We are all always growing and improving when we have the intention to grow and improve. Anyway, you can’t be anywhere else than where you are. You can’t be where you ain’t. You can’t be further along, more experienced, more knowledgeable.
Seems like I might have an article in the making here. Thanks for asking, Suzy!
This is great!
I think you have Linda :)
Love this. I copied out some of Suzy's quotes too on card on a ring. I leaf through them sometimes to get unstuck.
Maybe counter-intuitively, I give myself permission to step back and get off the track. Accepting that I am struggling, feeling disheartened and giving myself space to be ok with that, I think, helps me get over it quicker, and makes it easier to pick up my projects again in a day or two. Sometimes our true selves know we need to rest, and our goal setting brain needs to listen!
Yes, this is so true.
When I can’t find the positive voice in my own head, I have a folder in my photographs on my phone that’s filled with screenshots of lovely things people have said about my work and I read those ❤️
OMG! I love this. I used to have a scrap book but I lost it along the way. That's a great idea.
I’m trying to climb my way out of a whole by writing how I’m feeling on it. It’s been pouring out of me today and it has felt like I’ve released at least a little of the pressure
Yes, writing, writing, writing - it's like a huge release - I agree!
Certainly reading this is helpful, even if just to know others experience the same tough days. But some strategies up my sleeve would be good. And sometimes remembering I've felt like this before. It will pass.
Yes. It. will. pass. I try not to make any decisions or do anything when I'm deep in the hole.
Hi,
I’m collecting podcasts, and inspirational quotes. I listen to visualisations, meditations, sound baths. My kitten comes to sit on me, or brings one of her toys to me, or sits on my note and Journalling book.
Sign up for mindful masterclasses, I’ve just signed back up to Maura Farragher’s 5 day anti stress and anxiety, as I missed it last time. I’ve got a few others lined up, as well.
Yes, yes, yes. Apart from the kitten - which I would swop for my dog! Although I struggle with meditation when I'm in the hole. It's better for me to get out in the fresh air/new perspectives listening to inspirational podcasts. Give my mind and body somewhere to go.
Good question. Curious to see what others say. I don't think I have one consistent way that works every time.
Yes, I think it would be good to have a list of tools and tricks up our sleeve. Last week, nothing shifted it and I just had to hold on to my hat and wait. I was wondering how other people manage that?
You’re doing it! You’re living it. Everything feels hard the week before - this is what it’s all been building up to. I remember thinking oh gosh I just wish I had another month, an extra week and then you get there and it’s all fine. Drink the berrocca! We can’t wait!! ✨💖✨
Just so hard sometimes though. Drinking potions of the most revolting stuff!
Oh Suzy, thank you for starting this thread as it is much needed today. I am personally experiencing a moment of doubt in myself... most likely brought on by hormones and some recent big life changes like moving across the country. What has been helping me during this time is writing gratitude lists, which help shift my mindset from one of lack to one of "WOW, look at all the beauty in my life! I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" Also, sometimes I just fake it till I make it. Recognizing that these low periods are just a part of the ebb and flow of life helps take the weight off too.
Yes, absolutely. Ebb and flow but sometimes the waves are big and you get sucked under a bit. When I panic and start thrashing around - there's usually snot everywhere - it's not a good look. 😂
I get the ugly crying face. Not so much of the snot though. Can't cope with that! bwahahahaha
I’m sure you still look BEAUTIFUL!
ha!!! Snot in my hair, sand where it shouldn't be....yes beautiful!
Yes, I think sometimes mine is hormones too. But is it? Who knows? I think I will track it. But that doesn't happen.
I do gratitude each day. Sometimes it is so hard isn't it. I write first what I have done for MYSELF each day. That can be harder. I don't often get more than 2 things written. & usually only one thing for Gratitude. I really need to make an attempt to add more things. I need to look at what I have got & what I am doing so differently. Thanks for the reminder. I will definitely start that tonight.
Must have been something in the water! I had some awfully dark days last week, full of self doubt. I'm learning more to ride these waves though and understand that they pass. It's important not to make any rash decisions when the season are stormy.
Maybe it was the moon.... Yes, absolutely. Just sit and let it pass. Hang on to the life raft until the seas calm x
For me, when I get like this it's an indication of being on the cusp of something. It's like the universe is asking me, 'Are you sure you want this?' Reminding myself that there's always a choice and trying to approach it with an attitude of curiosity to explore what I truly want. Also allowing myself to be human - the hormones and the down pours are real and have an impact!
Of course, we can do anything if we believe we can, but I think it makes a massive difference when we wobble to come back to our why.
I can't tell you how many times I've journeyed through this very thing in the last 2 years! It's not easy is it? But having spaces like this to share and explore is increasingly important as we journey through this batshit bonkers, magical life!
I love what you've written. I think maybe deep down it's an issue of trust.
I'm trying to build trust on strong visible evidence but when the evidence isn't there, it feels like I have to have faith. And makes me feel unbearably vulnerable. My word of the year is 'foundation' and I'm trying to build solid foundations. But I suppose, faith, hope and belief are cornerstones. of my foundation.
Trust is what I've had to learn - trusting in myself and the unknown, especially when it doesn't make logical sense. Trusting in what we feel is so alien to so many of us, especially when we've had to numb ourselves from emotions in the past I think. Coupled with self-love and self-acceptance, it's the strongest foundation I've been able to build, even though I can't 'see' it as such. I think it does take toe-curling vulnerability doesn't it?
Spot on. I've spent years numbing myself. Yes. - self love, self acceptance and toe-curling vulnerability. All of the above.
You're very wise, Jen. Thank you.
I keep it simple. The last few months I have felt in a deep hole. I fractured my arm skating, had covid and now have a painful eye infection. Its felt like a visitation of a plague trying to stop my creativity! But and its a big but, I have been able to develop a sinple practice at night, gratitude for 5- 6 things, rethinking my novel plot in my head and by the time I do this I fall asleep. Sleep has been a possitive thing and letting go has been so helpful recognising this will pass and it is a rest needed
I'm sorry that you're suffering in this way. That can't be easy. I love your practice. That's very inspiring.
Ty, enjoying your writing - used to read psychologies mag, but after you left the dirrection changed.
Thank you. Psychologies was a special time in my life - I loved the mag and my amazing team.