Here's the real secret to simplifying your life.

I want a simple, creative, happy life. There are some questions that I really need to answer first.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

“Few people can look back on a life preoccupied with the accumulation of wealth and honestly conclude, ‘That was a life worth living’.” Bruce Hood, author of Possessed: Why We Want More Than We Need (Allen Lane, £20).

I have lived in some tiny spaces in the last five years, from canal boats to campervans to my little apartment here in Alnwick.

I was lucky enough to interview some hardcore experts ‘The Minimalists’, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, as well as author Bruce Hood (see quote above) when I worked at Psychologies magazine, and it resonated so much that I’ve been on the path to creating a simpler life ever since.

I can’t get no…

Bloggers and authors of the bestselling Minimalism: Live A Meaningful Life (Asymmetrical Press, £7.99), Joshua and Ryan hit the age of 30 and achieved everything that was supposed to make them happy: careers with six-figure salaries, luxury cars, oversized houses, and ‘all the stuff to clutter every corner of our consumer-driven lives’.

‘But we weren’t satisfied,’ they said.

‘There was a gaping void, and working 80 hours a week just to buy more stuff didn’t fill it. In fact, it only brought more debt, stress, anxiety, fear, loneliness, guilt, overwhelm and depression.’

The answer, they told me, did not lie in decluttering but in asking better questions.

‘We all know how to declutter. You start small: focus on one room at a time, making progress each day as you work towards a simplified life. People should be much more concerned with the why—the purpose behind decluttering—than what has to go.

Decluttering is not the end result; it’s the first step

Ultimately, it has to do with the benefits you’ll experience on the other side. ‘Decluttering is not the end result; it is the first step. You don’t become instantly happy and content by getting rid of your stuff, at least not in the long run. Decluttering doesn’t work like that. If you simply embrace the what without the why, you’ll get nowhere. It is possible to get rid of everything you own and still be utterly miserable.’

If we’re honest, for many of us, possessions are about status and proving our worth to society. “The more we have, the more worthwhile we feel. This is wrong for a number of reasons, if not for the simple fact that ownership comes at a cost to society. Science tells us that the relentless pursuit of possessions is unfulfilling and, for some, creates more unhappiness in the long term. We should live simpler, less cluttered, and less competitive lives. Unfortunately, it’s only at the end of our lives that we come to this realisation,’ says Bruce.

So rather than wait until the end of your life,

Let’s start now.

Try this coaching exercise

What if we didn’t value or define ourselves by a house, car, or possessions? How would we measure our worth?

I unearthed an old coaching exercise that asked some big questions:

• What if everything you have is taken away?

• What if all you had left was yourself?

• How would that make you feel?

• What would you have that is actually valuable to you?

• What are your strengths?

• What is important to you?

• How would you value yourself if you stopped comparing yourself to others?

• How do you value and judge others?

• Imagine you walked into a room, everyone was dressed the same, and you could not discuss what others did for a living, where they lived, or what they owned. How would you decide whether you liked them or not? Would it be about their humour, intelligence, creativity, or…

• What do you value in others?

• What do you value in yourself?

  The Minimalists gave me more questions too:

  ‘By all means, start your decluttering project, but you need to do the deeper work by asking: When did I give so much meaning to possessions? What is truly important in life? Why am I discontent? Who is the person I want to become? How will I define my success?’

  I’m not saying that everyone should become minimalists, but simplifying your life is certainly an interesting experiment to try.

Maybe we should create a ‘simplify your life experiment’ together in 2024?

Let me know what you think.