Do you betray yourself? Or is just me?

Why do we violate our own integrity?

Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante on Unsplas

I call it a heart leap.

That moment when you think ‘yep, this is it, the right direction, I love this, this is so much fun/interesting/inspiring.’

Derek Sivers calls it a ‘hell yeah’ (‘if you feel anything less than ‘hell yeah!’ about something, say no’.)

Martha Beck talks about ‘shackles off/on’ living (anything that feels like putting the shackles on…run.)

Emma Gannon writes in her new book The Success Myth about trusting your body to tell you what’s the right path for you.

But how often do we betray ourselves and our bodies and think ‘hell, no’ but choose to do it anyway or actively put on the shackles and throw away the key or ignore the signals as our bodies slump and slug-like, we soldier on?

Is it just me?

Why do we choose to walk in the opposite direction to where we want to go over and over again?

For me, the list is long. People pleasing, old beliefs about what I ‘should’ be doing, old ingrained habits…etc

Going forward, building my new life, I know it’s pretty essential that I tweak some of those old behaviours.

I interviewed Martha Beck for Metro last year (you can read the whole interview here) and as ever, she’s gives practical advice on how to start moving in a new direction. She talks about integrity and listening to our own internal signals about what truly makes us happy and how to recognise what we actually yearn for versus what our culture sells us

Start, she says, by noticing the amount of time you’re spending with specific people or activities and see if matches the amount of time you really want to spend with them.

Shift your schedule by a few minutes each day, spending a little less time doing things that don’t appeal to you and a little more doing what you love.

“You find yourself listening to your ‘inner teacher’. Your body knows the truth about the right path for you. Your body will show you when you’re in integrity. There’s a relaxation response – a literally, involuntary release of muscle tension,” she says.

Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

“Repeatedly putting a little less time into what you don’t love, and a little more into what you do love, is your next step on the way to integrity.”

She asked me to imagine I was flying a plane on a 10,000-mile journey. “If you change course by one degree to the right every half an hour or so you’ll never notice a drastic change, but you’ll end up in a completely different place than if you maintained your initial trajectory. I advise you to steer your life with a series of one-degree turns.”

What are some one degree turns you can make today which will take you to heart leap land?

Here are some more of Martha’s tips:

1.     Notice the symptoms of being out of integrity – a touch of irritation here, a wave of fatigue there. Immediately address any level of suffering in yourself and ask – where am I out of integrity?

2.     Connect frequently with wise teachers who you resonate with. Read their books, watch them online, connect with them in real life.

3.     Practice connecting with your own sense of truth, your ‘inner teacher’, every day. Notice the thoughts that give you that ring of alignment and those that make you feel fragmented or off-centre.

4.     Notice when loud ‘cultural voices’ push you in contradictory directions – and remember to leave them all behind and check in with your sense of truth whenever you feel confused.

5.     Refuse to lie – and remember that there are times when silence is a lie. Say what you really mean when it feels right, even though others might not approve.

6.     Be transparent: hide less of yourself. You will gather a community of like minds

7.     Forgive yourself for violating your integrity when you didn’t know better. Let go of your mistakes. Remember and value everything you’ve done that aligns with your sense of truth.

The Way Of Integrity: Finding A Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck is out now.