1st October: Refocus, regroup, recommit

It's the first of the month. Begin again.

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

1^st of the month.

A chance to refocus, regroup, and recommit to steering yourself in the direction you want to go.

Is it me? But I find myself so easily sucked into everyone else’s agendas and slip streams and blown off course.

Before I know it I’m suddenly heading in a direction I don’t want to go.

So I love the first of the month because it’s a good opportunity to check in - with the big questions:

• What do I want?

• What really matters?

• Am I focusing on what really matters?

• If not, why not?

• What do I need to think and do differently this month to get back on track/stay on track?

Today, I begin again. 

I have recently got my little dog Bertie back who was having a holiday in Cornwall for a few weeks with my ex-boyfriend.

Bertie is a rescue dog so his behaviour has always been a bit chaotic—bouncing and barking—and I’ve been taking advice about how to train him.

‘’The key to successful training is consistency and timing. To a dog, the greatest thing you can do for them is to show consistent and confident leadership,” writes Susan Gilbert of Canine Connections.

I’ve just started training Bertie, and it’s starting to work.

I suspect the greatest gift that we can give ourselves is one of consistent and confident leadership!

How can we create that for ourselves in the month of October?

The big questions above give you a snapshot of your direction of travel.

The questions below help you drill down into small changes you can make.

What’s working for you?

What habits, behaviours, and routines have helped you create a happy, simple life this month?

• For me, meditating for 30 minutes every day is really helping me focus and also helps me notice when I’m all over the place (if nothing else!)

• Writing twice a week in the Heart Leap writing hour (9 a.m. on a Tuesday and Thursday for all paid subscribers) has enabled me to finish the first big draft of the book I’m writing.  (17 minutes a day hasn’t worked)

• Walking the dog an extra 20 minutes on every walk is making me feel more energetic and happier. (Daily 10-minute yoga routine is patchy.)

What’s not working?

My little dog has been calling the shots, so I’ve been getting up straight away to take him out rather than meditating first. I find myself very resistant to meditating when I get back. I am going to go back to meditating first thing before the dog walks. Yoga? I’m going to try 2 minutes after my meditation.

What one consistent habit can you add/replace/let go of this month?

I revisited Charles Duhigg’s work recently. He’s one of my favourite experts on behaviour change.

I adore his book The Power of Habit, which is based on in-depth research on the foundations of habit conducted in the 1990s by researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who found that all habits consist of three parts: a routine, a reward, and a cue.

The researchers dubbed this the “habit loop.”

1. The first step is to identify the routine.

For example, what’s your morning routine?

Does it support you to create a healthy, happy day?

Or do you start the day scrolling on your phone and filling your head, heart and thoughts with someone else’s agenda?

2: Identify the cue. The cue is the trigger that kicks off the habitual behaviour. (Waking up!??!)

• location

• time

• current emotional state

• people around you

• your last action

3. Then ask, what’s the reward? Is starting your day scrolling on your phone a way to distract yourself?

Here’s a link to Duhigg’s methodology in detail.

I think it’s very helpful to start with awareness of your routines, cues and rewards.

Even if you simply spend October observing your habit loops and getting to the bottom of why you do what you do. 

If we can understand the way we form a habit and master creating healthy ones - it’s a key foundational piece to creating a simpler life. We no longer have to think about it- it’s just part of our routine, just like brushing our teeth.

But we have to understand and respect the process.

We repeat habits because there is some payoff, a reward.

“Rewards are powerful because they satisfy cravings. We’re often not conscious of the cravings that actually drive our behaviours, though. We might think we’re craving a little online shopping, but it’s really something else we’re after — distraction from an odious task, or the chance to daydream a little, ” says Duhigg.

“To figure out which cravings are driving particular habits, it’s useful to experiment with different rewards. This might take a few days, or a week or sometimes even longer. No matter how long it takes, you shouldn’t feel any pressure to make a real change yet.”

“At this point, just think of yourself as a scientist collecting data,” says Duhigg

“On the first day of the experiment, when you feel the urge to submit to a habit you want to change, adjust your routine so it delivers a different reward.”

Addicts in recovery learn early that they almost never drink for the intoxication, but because it helps them access certain rewards: relief from work stress, escape from worries, or freedom from social anxiety.”

What are your habits an escape from?

Dig deep this month and observe yourself like a science experiment.

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Charles Duhigg is an investigative reporter for the New York Times. He is a winner of the National Academy of Sciences, Scripps Howard National Journalism, and George Polk awards, and was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in 2009.