12 Leaps in 12 months with Suzy Walker

Last year on my birthday to celebrate my first 1K subscribers, I ran a competition to win a year of free coaching with me. Jen Thomas won and she's had quite a year full of big leaps. Here's her story

Jen Thomas writes:

“In my tiny, rented home in Surrey, affectionately known as ‘the Wendy house’, I stood waiting for the kettle to boil to make my morning coffee. It was spring and I was considering making some big moves. Things needed to change – I was feeling trapped and pressured yet desperate to expand.

I took a step into the living room and picked up my phone. Opening Messenger app I read a note from one of my clients congratulating me on winning.

My still snoozy brain scrambling to make a connection – won what?

I opened my email – a message from Suzy Walker to say I’d won 12 months of coaching with her! My hand flew to my mouth as surprised and happy tears filled my eyes. Not only had I won something amazing, but I’d won something that meant everything to me. I let out a little squeal of joy!

I hadn’t ‘just’ won coaching sessions with a woman I had wanted to work with for years, but I received a whopping shiny, neon-flashing, sign from the universe not to give up on my book or business.

I had no idea then that I was yearning to feel soul-deep freedom. And to experience that level of liberation I had to get fully, wholly and completely comfortable in my own skin. Unbeknownst to me, I had already embarked on a quest to become the peaceful leader of my life and empower others to realise this for themselves. Without guilt, shame or apology.

I was going to have to choose me over and above anyone or anything else. Perhaps the toughest lesson any sensitive, neurodivergent, empathic, people-pleasing woman can ever learn.

A few months later, my survival would depend on my willingness to master that lesson.

LEAP ONE

The invitation for me to quest in search of freedom had already arrived in January - thoroughly disguised and wrapped in a big fat fear of money and insecurity. My landlord had phoned to say he was selling my home; my Wendy house. On my then income I couldn’t afford to stay in the area I’d called home for eight years. Fuck. Now what?

I practised the mantra - “I know this is happening for me, thank you, so what’s the opportunity for me here?”

After I’d allowed the unsettling news to process a little, I felt the tectonic shift rumble within. Several days later my many thoughts began settling onto an idea that felt exciting - fuelling my love of animals and travel - cat sitting!

Two health issues needed me to stay local for treatment though, adding to the pressure of my decision on whether to take the leap.

LEAP TWO

Four weeks later, my landlord phoned again to say he’d decided not to sell! I wondered if it was a sign guiding me to stay. In my meditation practice I asked for guidance, feeling confused – should I stay or go? It felt huge but kind of exciting too.

The guidance came during my first house sit, in the Hampshire countryside. I was staying in a huge Edwardian farmhouse, with a river running through the garden. My shoulders gradually eased from their scrunched-up position under my ears.

Walking in the undulating hills in the spring sunshine, I asked spirit, “Is this what I’m meant to do?” The answer came clearly then - “It’s your choice.” Not the answer I wanted, but I felt the truth in my heart – it was high time I became the leader of my life. For me to choose. For me to decide and trust.

LEAP THREE

Enter stage left, the divinely timed arrival of Suzy!

In our first session, I dove in, keen to make the most of this amazing opportunity. I talked about wanting to grow my business to make enough money to buy a home of my own. Both represented safety for me and at the age of 48 I was beginning to wonder if it would ever become my reality.

I shared with Suzy some guidance I’d received earlier reminding me that bricks and mortar were an illusion of safety; that true security comes from within. I was being encouraged to come home to myself more deeply than I’d ever experienced before on my spiritual path.

Together, we identified the part of me that just wanted to stay small and quiet; safe. The parts of me that needed to be in control all the time to feel secure.

LEAP FOUR

The invitation to choose me and lead my own life became so tantalising that in June, with all surgeries behind me, I handed in my notice on the Wendy house! I no longer wanted to respond to events happening ‘to me’ and feel myself disappear under the weight of expectations. I wanted to become the leader of my life and create one that I was utterly in love with.

I started on my path to freedom shredding paperwork and shedding clutter. With every trip to the recycling and charity shops, I felt my heart expand and release all the pressures I’d been putting myself under. I was letting go of control, surrendering and building deeper trust in myself and my relationship with spirit.

I was allowing myself to feel strong and supported for the first time in years. I was excited for this adventure to begin!

LEAP FIVE

Two days before I left the Wendy house to begin my new life of freedom, I went to the hospital for a final post-op check up on the surgery I’d had removing a basal cell carcinoma.

I sat in utter disbelief as the consultant told me I had stage II melanoma. I needed to have PET-CT and MRI scans as a matter of urgency in case the cancer had spread.

Through tears of frustration and anger I told him I was about to go travelling as a digital nomad. Frustration that I’d waited a year to be seen. Anger that the results had taken so long. My new plan of freedom was already failing.

Cancer. Er, that wasn’t in the plan!

On my way home, I made a decision and said it out loud to myself and spirit. “I choose. I decide. I do not give my power away to cancer.”

LEAP SIX

Miraculously, both scans were fitted in before I left, taking the remainder of my belongings to my mum’s garage. I decided not to tell her about the cancer – a huge step forward in leading myself.

The invitation to go deep into my heart cave was clear but I didn’t know what I was looking for. I’d done a lot of work already on the father and mother wounds and childhood traumas – what else was there?

Through Suzy’s exceptional coaching and some powerful energy healing sessions with my peers, as well as my own healing practices, I discover deeper truths:

· I’d taken on others’ desires which I’d unconsciously allowed to steer people pleasing behaviours.

· I'd feel crippling guilt, shame and regret if I put my needs first – not wanting to let people down or be thought badly of.

· Unconsciously fighting to be in control battled behind undue stress and imbalances.

LEAP SEVEN

In the humidity of August, I stood by a lake and noticed some cormorants – message received - I must dive deep within. I knew I had to find the truest version of me and unconditionally accept her – fully, wholly, completely. The resistance was as intense as the humidity!

In my heart cave, I went in search of the trapped emotions behind the melanoma. In a fabulous, French accent, ‘Melody’ arrives in my consciousness. I tentatively ask what she wants to share, sensing a raw and painful anger behind her serene tones. She hit me hard with the truth - “I am the sum of all your fears. You don’t see me. You don’t hear me. You don’t feel me. You don’t love me.”

Love pours in the open inner child wound and I cancel an arranged cat sit to have the next available surgery, noticing the dissipating guilt in putting me first.

LEAP EIGHT

With Suzy’s expertise, I learn to sit with big emotions that threaten to overwhelm me. Melody and I start conversing through letters and I listen to her, see and feel her. I learn the power in taking ownership of my thoughts, actions and behaviours with love, compassion and kindness.

As I recover and heal from the surgery, my heart heals alongside. Synchronistically, I get to sit for two kittens who make my cry laughing with their antics and remind me to have FUN!

When I get the miracle news a few weeks later that the cancer hasn’t spread and no further treatment is necessary, I take Melody out to celebrate! I fancy cake but she chooses an enormous cheese scone instead. Honouring her choice, I sense her absolute delight within me at being heard. She feels approved of and safe.

Everything is going to be ok.

LEAP NINE

Arriving back in Surrey for a sit, I know everything has changed. Inside, I am renewed and excited to create. Suzy and I create a ‘birthing tent’ to nurture what I’m creating. I feel so fabulously purposeful – this is it, this is what I’m here for!

As the light fades into winter, I feel the darkness surround me, urging me to slow and rest. But I feel like I’m missing a golden opportunity to inspire others to choose themselves, lead themselves free of the conditioning and the ‘system’.

I surrender to the tiredness eventually and allow the enormity of the past few months to have a seat at my table. If I’d learned anything it was to invite the big feelings forward and give them space to be felt with compassion and kindness.

It’s a rollercoaster journey and my ego voice gets loud – “I'm not strong enough, I’m not good enough, what’s the point?”

LEAP TEN
I begin grieving, with love and gratitude, the old me and start letting her go. Like the proverbial phoenix, I realise I’m rising from my own ashes. Ah! The point is RENEWAL!

Wanting to just ‘get there’, I’m frustrated with the non-linear process of expansion. I know I’m forever changed – I've embodied the learning to:

· Lovingly meet myself where I’m at

· Accept the whole of me

· Give myself permission to fail and trust I’ll be OK

· Choose me, without apology, shame or guilt

· To unequivocally trust in myself and who I truly am

· Let go of expectation and outcome

So old me fights back, deploying old tactics of defence, fire and feistiness. I start telling my story and it falls flat because in unconsciously trying to prove I’m good enough I put myself on an unreachable pedestal. Aargh back to my heart cave I go - where Melody is waiting!

LEAP ELEVEN

Self-doubt is bubbling up everywhere, it’s like the worst case of imposter syndrome I’ve ever experienced. I feel like a complete fraud. Crappy thoughts permeate my day - “It’s not like I had ‘proper’ cancer; I didn’t have chemo.”, “Who wants to hear my story? It’s not that interesting”, “Who am I to teach anyone?”

It’s the ultimate test – have I really accepted my whole self? Do I really believe I’m good enough? Do I fully trust in myself and spirit?

I choose then. I decide to own my stories, reclaim my power and with humility, accept my soul sovereignty and my right to be here.

I trust that my quest; my story can empower other sensitive, neurodiverse women to lead and do things differently. I listen closely to the guidance showing me it is these women the world so desperately needs. Their uniqueness; their creativity; their courage; their sensitivity is the peaceful leadership that’s being called for.

LEAP TWELVE

I realise, I’m one of these women. I don’t need to tell them; I need to show them. Gandhi’s quote reverberating in my mind, “Be the change you wish to see.” I realise I’ve found the freedom I was questing for and I can show others how to find and create theirs too.

I message Suzy and share that I’m putting my big girl’s pants on and I’m doing this! I put my new programme out there and excitedly, I reveal it’s called RENEWAL.

Finally, I allow me to be me, fully, wholly and completely. I allow myself to know that I will always need to practice – being in my heart space, listening to my emotions and inner critic, owning my fears, owning my happiness and making decisions from a place of peace. I arrive home as my own peaceful leader, comfortable in her own skin.”

Jen Thomas is a professional coach, energy healer, and certified angel guide with over eight years of experience. After 20 years in corporate, a burnout in 2015 sparked her awakening, leading her to find healing and belonging through nature. Now, she empowers women to reclaim their autonomy through self-love, and rise as passionate leaders who restore humanity . A TEDx speaker on Putting Emotion Back in Business, Jen brings humour, vibrant energy, and deep compassion to her work, inspiring transformation in how we live, lead, and connect - with ourselves, each other, and Mother Earth. Free sessions with Jen

Jen finished by offering Heart Leap members the opportunity to join two of her online Soul Sanctuary sessions for free on 12 and 19 May (excluding the bank holiday). Anyone interested can email her at jenny@revitalisecoaching.co.uk.